I was at Walmart with a group of friends.  I am not sure who any of them were, but I think they were made up.  One guy used to work there and talked to a cashier as we went through her very strange checkout.  The belt seemed to be the wrong way (think east-west instead of north-south if the back of the store is north) and the other patrons didn’t understand it and kept trying to go in front of me and Stephanie.  Oh, apparently Stephanie was there.  For some reason I set up my steno machine at the end of the line and got entirely naked.  It felt so strange, but I had read that there was no law against public nudity unless it was offensive, and I wanted to see if anyone would say anything.  Something happened at the checkout, and we were there a long time waiting, and I am still naked.  No one is really paying attention, and it feels pretty awesome.  At some point a man comes over and goes “Did you know there is SHIT in your… keyboard?” and points at my steno.  There is, indeed, really gross crap in the paper feed, and he goes “I wonder how that got there, hmm?” and eyes me up.  I shrug and tell him it’s not like I’m naked and crapping everywhere all the time, and he feels bad after that.

When I finally go out after everyone, since they left during the steno issue, I can’t remember where I parked.  I see my car across the street and my three “friends” screwing around in it.  Suddenly, the girl jumps out and runs into the house it is parked next to, and all of them follow her.  I run across the street and they are nowhere to be found, so I peek in the window.  There are puppies EVERYWHERE, and my friends are behind the window playing with them.  Suddenly a shower starts going and a blinking message appears on the window that says something like “NO MASTURBATING DURING COMMERCIAL SHOWER USAGE.”  It disappears when the shower turns off.  Now I see that my friends are hiding in the kitchen because the puppies are really vicious and they are getting hurt.  They are trying to fight them off, but they can’t.  I turn around and the guy that used to work at Walmart is in the yard with me yelling about how we have to go help them.  I try to get in the front door, but can’t, and finally figure out it slides instead of pulls or pushes.  I go in and now there are no puppies, no friends, and the owners of the house are there.  They are two women and one is very pregnant.  I explain I am not crazy, and I am so sorry to have barged in, but your puppies are hurting my friends.  They say not to worry, we’ll go find them, and everything goes blank for a bit after a very large pitbull knocks me over.

At some point I am back in my parents’ HUGE new house with my “friends.”  Stephanie disappeared back in Walmart, by the way.  Maybe I only saw her at the check out.  I am sick of my friends and go downstairs through the labyrinth of hallways until I find a very strange room with a half step up to to chairs and a massive TV.  I watch something for a while, but not on the TV, until a friend finds me and asks me to come upstairs.

Later, I tell my mother I want one of the downstairs rooms, since I didn’t realize they were so big.  We are half moved in at this point (although I think I spend all of my time somewhere else lame) and she says she doesn’t want guests staying in the lame small room that I have upstairs.  It’s a pretty cool room, but it’s still way smaller than the others (probably a decent size without the comparison, though).

Later, I am on a computer and Candace is on the one beside mine.  She is showing me the same kind of links she shows me at school, and I am on AIM talking to a lot of people.  It doesn’t look like AIM though, and each chat bubble is colourful and scrolls up, all of the users mixing together.  At some point in the maelstrom of IMs, George pops up and he says “Do you want to know what I said to her?” and I get an instant flash of rage.  He scrolls away too soon to reply, but I am frantic trying to find it again so that I can tell him exactly what I think of anything he has to say.  I am scrolling up and up and suddenly the screen starts scrolling inwards and I am falling into it, and the colours all start to blur, and ahead of me are blobs of colours that look like galaxies in a deep-field image.

Earlier, I remember now, I was in an Arctic water storage facility with Garner Andrews.  We were doing a report, and we started at the very bottom of the building (which was built into the ground, and only the very top level was above it).  We thought that it was inactive, but then the water started rushing in and we had to run to the next level, where it wouldn’t fill until the next rush.  We kept on doing the report and would just book it to the next level each time the water came.  We we were finally on the top level, where it was offices and living areas instead of just maintenance and water storage area, there were puppies and kittens all over the place, and I was in a panic because they would drown when the water came, and started gathering them up.  Instead of helping me, Garner Andrews reported on what I was doing and made fun of me.  I started throwing them all out a window when I realized that the water, of course, would not come up to the business level of the building, and the puppies and kittens would freeze in the arctic climate.  So I had to go get them all back.

February 3, 2010

The Future: Personal and Professional

In the future, I am a Court of Queen’s Bench reporter, or perhaps a captioner.  I graduated top of my class and achieved my 225 wpm goal by April of 2010, a year ahead of what was expected of me.  I worked hard to achieve the speed and grades that I received, and I am respected by my peers because of it.

I hope I am a captioner, because my plan at this point in life is to caption from home once I have a family.  I have settled down, gotten married, and had at least one child.  I live comfortably.

I have gotten my life in order in that I can keep a clean house and keep affairs in order.  I am disciplined in my professional and personal organization.  My house is never so filthy that unexpected company would think less of me.  My files, transcripts, paycheques, etc. are all stored properly and so that I can find them quickly and without frustration.  I am not just content, I am happy every day of my life.  I laugh every day and I appreciate every day for what it is.  I do not hate or judge quickly.  I love many people and many people love me.

February 2, 2010

One of the best experiences of my life spanned over a few days, but there were definitely moments that stood out from the entirety.

You will never again achieve the sense of freedom that you have the first time you taste it.  Stephanie and I planned a trip, no parents, just us, all on our own.  I remember the thrill when we booked our hotel online because it meant we were really going; it would be the first big trip we had ever taken without family.

The times that stand out most are the Sunday (or was it Saturday?) market, the buffalo jump, exploring the town, and the weird interpretive centre we stopped at when we were back in Alberta.

The weekend market was great because we were so carefree.  I don’t know if I have achieved such a sense of mindless enjoyment since that.  It didn’t matter what anybody thought; it didn’t matter who was around me.  I was with my best friend and our only goal was the have the best time possible, and through confusing Americans by asking about fry bread and feeding each other outside candy shops and spending far too much shopping, we really did have the best time imaginable.  And I was introduced to kettle corn.

The buffalo jump carried with it a sense of wonder, panic, and freedom.  I think that it really helped to impact upon us that this was a real vacation; we had gone to a landmark and Stephanie had flashed the entire countryside.  We had done something we would never forget and tell friends and family about for years and years to come.  The panic set in when we realized we were completely alone up on that buffalo jump.  There wasn’t a soul for miles, and the only sound was the wind and the distant boom of jets taking off from the military base.  Stephanie referenced The Hills have Eyes, and we took off to the car when we saw a pick up truck coming up the only road to the jump.  We were sure mutants were coming to get us.  Also, there were ground hogs EVERYWHERE, but even when I threw them kettle corn they would not come near me.

One evening we went out and explored Great Falls.  We had no real destination in mind and were only walking to explore and stretch our limbs.  I don’t think we stopped talking or laughing at any point along the way; there was no end to the things we could talk about.  We found a fantastic art gallery on one such walk and met the very eccentric owner.  On another one, we were sure a stray Pomeranian was going to bite our ankles, and a man biking past led to a conversation about t-shirts that would say on them “I got raped in Montana.”  We found a weird church kind of building, the kind with the G and the math instruments on the logo.  It’s not really a church.  What are those guys called?  In retrospect it all felt very natural to do while visiting this random town we picked just because it was the closest big US city to us.

On our way home, we were so tired.  I remember switching back and forth for driving, but we were both completely fatigued.  We waited forever at the border crossing, but made light of the A/Cless situation by dancing and generally causing a ruckus.  I’m not sure how they figured we were safe to let back into Canada with that sort of awesome behaviour.  Somewhere back over the Canadian border, we came across a weird little interpretive centre about how great Alberta is.  It had a big dinosaur outside, which meant Steph had to go in.  There was a free museum with antique cars and a stuffed beaver that attacked me.  I just remember how fun it all was and how happy I was to be so free and independent.

February 1, 2010

Over the past week, I have many things to be grateful for.

1.  I have the support and company of a fantastic boy.  He understands me and helps me and cares about me more than anyone ever has.  He is selfless and smart and represents everything good in my world.

2. I am grateful that I have found the humility to let go of past grievances and reestablish friendly relationships online with two people who used to be very important to me.  I hope that this time around I will not take their attentions for granted and not let anything between us go to waste.

3. I have a beautiful roof over my head and a fantastic start to life and education because of my parents.  Through financial, emotional, and moral support, I have really been given the best leg up any child could ask for in life.  I am not so dependent that I do not want for anything, but I am not worried about making ends meet month to month and know that if I ever have problems of any kind that my parents will be there for me.  They also play great roadtrip games, like PUMPJACK.  My family in general is fantastic, especially my Grandma Evelyn, who turned 80 this past week.  Being able to see her with my parents helped me remember what is most important in life.

January 28, 2010

Sleeptalking: “I can’t believe they all went into the marsh.”

Fink and Steph were either working with me or attending class with me at NAIT.  Fink always wore a weird argyle vest over a button up shirt with nice pants.  He was moving to “Norway” (which was actually Alaska) and we thought it was either because he was getting married or helping an escaped con, but he wouldn’t tell us which.

I also remembered one where I was going to my courses in a very old school and brought my cat in to show everyone.  She got away, and I went with my law teacher and someone else to look for her.  We went up a big, old oak stairway and there were a lot of cats, but none of them were mine.  We turned back around at the top and then went outside at the bottom, where there was a strange car on tracks that looked kind of like a steam punk roller coaster.  We road that around, looking for the cat, but all we saw were strange balloons and devices hanging from the ceiling or floating in the sky; one looked like spiderman.

When we got back, I was very upset we couldn’t find my cat; and we went back into the classroom.  My teacher there told me she found the cat, and let me into her office, where there were many cats.  I was very happy because mine was there, although it was not the one I expected it to be.

January 27, 2010

Futurama was back on the air, an dthe episodes were clearer and crisper than anything I had ever seen.  But they made no sense.  Roshan came to visit me and K3evin while I fried springrolls, and he let us know that he was dating Jocelyn.  He was shorter than he should’ve been.  I used some public toilets which only had half doors on the front, and it was very awkward for everyone.

January 21, 2010

My parents bought a huge house with a lot of land and decided to sell out all the land from underneath other houses that were somehow tenants on it.  Everybody hated us, but we were stinking rich.  I was convinced you had to have shoes on when you signed a contract.

I went to a high school with Kevin, where Amy Poehler was shooting a variety show.  Somehow I went through a mirror into another dimension, and there were a lot of people there that I knew.  I discovered that if I bumped into them, their molecules would break down and I could absorb them.  Nobody liked that, so they all left, including people who were in the process of breaking down.  After we got out of the mirror, Kevin wanted me to eat in the gymnasium with him.  I told him no, we spent every waking moment together, please let me eat with my friends.  He said no, I have something important to tell you, but I still didn’t want to eat in the gym.

At some point we were on a yacht.  I think it was because we were so rich from screwing people over.

January 18, 2010

Kevin would not stop hiding the margarine container under his chair.  He would barely acknowledge it was there when I asked him to put it back.

Later, I was living in a town with my family (which was Asian), and John Lithgow lived down the street, but behaved more like his character, Arthur Mitchell.  I snuck into his house, but I can’t remember why, and someone else was there.  Later, I ran home but had gotten food from his house, and when he came to visit my parents I was sure he’d know I’d been there.  Instead he was tearfully happy to see me and talked about how we were all going on a camping trip together.  One of my aunts was Ele Knebel.

January 16, 2010

Something about widespread catastrophe, maybe global.  There were huge trucks moving dirt around.

Something about Superheroes, sort of Watchmenesque, in prison.  There were huge tubes of toothpaste in the walls, and they made you feel great.  The people guarding the Superheroes were idiots.

I remember running the ocean, in amongst all the trucks full of dirt.

January 15, 2010

My parents live in a house so unfamiliar I am shocked by each room I see because it is so different from what I expected.  Brett’s best friend, who is named Adam but is not Adam, is texting me looking for Stephanie because something is attacking him.  I call Stephanie crying, and she comes over.

Later, we are watching out one of my parents’ windows and Adam is in a tent in his side yard and there is, I think, a large rabbit trying to kill him.  I ask where Brett is, and she says he has gone camping.  I am very upset by this because he is supposed to be looking after my cat, but Stephanie tells me that he left the cat with Adam.  This is not very reassuring, since Adam is still being attacked by the rabbit.

Later, my dad insists we leave the cat with Adam again so we can go to the movies.  We go through a very frightening snowy path and meet him in his strange shed out back of his house.  Adam turns out to be  a strange Asian kid that crawls and hops instead of walks.  The cat keeps getting out, but he very happily retrieves her.  He seems to like her enough, so I agree to leave her with him.  As soon as we leave the shed, he starts blasting alarms in her ears, and I want to go back to get her, but Dad says she will be fine.

We go to a very strange underground movie theatre, which eventually turns into a mall.  Shops line the sides of the tunnels, with their products hung up on the walls of it, and a counter set up just in front of the wall.  We walked through it for a while, but I was upset about leaving the cat, so I went to look for a Shoppers Drug Mart with Kassia, so that I could buy some liquid eyeliner.  We went up to a counter and I asked for the eyeliner, but it turned out that I had accidentally gone up to a doctor’s office.  They told me the doctor wouldn’t be in for an hour, and I repeated that No, I’m actually looking for eyeliner, nevermind.  Kassia then remembered that we needed immigration papers, and said as much, and we decided we would get them while we were there.